I want to fucking punch someone. I’m tired of everyone treating me like a baby, just because I don’t do drugs or drink or have sex all the time. I know what pot is, and I know where babies come from. I’m 16. And I’m tired of people telling me I can’t swear because I’m too innocent. “What? Maddy said fuck? No! Maddy you can’t say that! It doesn’t work!” Just because I look like a baby and live the lifestyle I choose to live, doesn’t mean I can’t say what I want. And I don’t judge people who smoke pot or drink or do drugs, so why should everyone judge me because I don’t do those things?
I want to live in Georgia, in a big white house, or maybe a pale yellow one, with a big green lawn and a big oak tree, and tall lush trees creating an archway on the path to my home. I want to sit on the front porch drinking lemonade and sweet tea and eating peach cobbler. I want to wear sundresses and big floppy hats and pearls and beautiful lace dresses. I want to use the words “sugar” and “darlin” while addressing people. I want suitors to court me and bring me flowers and adore me.
Holy shit. I can’t even describe this. This was the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and my description will pale in comparison the the real experience. I had stage seats, so I was sitting on the stage with other people, and during the show actors would sit in the empty seats, one of which I just happened to be sitting next to. There were four people who seemed to be part of the audience like me, and they played it so well. All of us thought that they were just here to watch the show, and then in the first act they get up and start singing and we were all freaking out! They were all understudies, and we got to talk to them during intermission after we knew that they were actors. And some of the actors that sat next to me smiled at me! I was freaking out the whole time. And during the song “Totally Fucked” the actors were all making eye contact with us and it was so cool and one of the actors who we thought was an audience member was sitting next to my friend, and he would like bend down and sing to her, and make eye contact with all of us. And there was a sex scene, and the main character Melkior started literally sucking the main girls boob, and then he pulled down his pants and you could see his ass and oh my God he was so hot.
I love her so much. All I’ve been doing lately is listening to Lungs on repeat. I bought it this weekend on vinyl, and it is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.
On another note; recently, I’ve been wanting to dress really nicely, and maybe start wearing makeup and doing my hair more often. Not for anyone else, just so I can feel good about myself. I like looking nice.
Also, I want to smell clean, like laundry detergent (preferably Tide) and nice perfume.